They look just the same, but they don't act the same. Why?
No one really knows what is going on in someone else's head. For example, you may be in a classroom pretending to be listening to the teacher, but really you are thinking about what's on telly tonight, or a party coming up. The teacher doesn't know, because your thought's are not affecting your behaviour. You are sitting quietly in a classroom apparently paying attention.
When someone has a mental health problem, they are often experiencing some very unpleasent thoughts and sensations, which make them behave in unusual ways. All of a sudden the person you thought you knew seems to have changed and is acting bizarrely. Their behaviour can cause pain, embarrasment and can be dangerous and yet they look just the same. What's going on?
They are poorly and are expressing their confusion and distress about what is happening to them. When a person has a cold, they sneeze. When a person has a mental health problem, they may shout loudly in the street, or suddenly laugh at something that is not funny, or talk to themselves. Just as people can't help sneezing, so people can't help acting strangely. Their own world has been disturbed and they are trying to cope with this.
Sometimes your parent may say hurtful things to you. This happens because of their illness, and NOT because of the way they feel about you. It is their illness talking, not them. They feel scared and confused and that could be how you are feeling as well.
It's hard to talk to others about this...
People often feel embarrased about telling others what is happening at home, especially when there is an issue of mental health. It seems easier to say, "Mum's got a broken leg," than "Mum's got depression". Everyone can see a broken leg, everyone can understand what's involved. But mental health is not so visible or easy to understand.
Why don't people understand my parent is not well?
If someone is behaving stangely, other people feel uncomfortable. They don't know what to do because they do not know that the person is ill. Mental illness is often hidden - (other people can't see that anything is wrong) - there are none of the usual visible signs of illness like bandages, so they are unsure why the person is behvaing as they are. Sometimes they get frightened and this can be how the person who is ill is feeling.
What does it feel like?
Sometimes when you wake up in the morning after a dream, you feel a bit strange because the dream was so real. One minute you are dreaming, and the next you are awake in bed but part of the dream lingers on. For a few moments it is hard to tell what is real and what is the dream. Some mental illnesses have been described as being like bad dreams where you cannot wake up.
This could be a starting point to try and understand what your parent is going through. Imagine not being able to wake up from a nightmare. Imagine feelings as if your mind has been taken over and it is hard to know what is real and what is not.
Your attitude to your parent can be so important. Sometimes it is so tempting to say, "pull yourself together!". But if you think to yourself, "imagine what they are going through," this can help you take a more sensitive attitiude. They are not doing things to annoy you on purpose (though it can seem like this sometimes!). They are doing these things because they are frightened, or have lost confidence in themselves. They are feeling vunerable and need support.
Introduction
What is mental health?
Living with mental health problems
What about me?
Treatment
Who can help
Legal matters
And finally....
Useful addresses and telephone numbers
